Saturday, February 12, 2011
Lately, i've been feeling the need to make a change.
Over a year ago, I opened a shop on Etsy out of a need to do something that was just for me, not as a mother or a provider but as a maker. Since I loved knitting, it seemed like a natural choice, a good fit with my life at the moment. But lately, my attitude toward knitting has changed.
In addition to allowing me to make something unique either for myself or someone special, knitting has been a way for me to relax and unwind at the end of a long day, sometimes even in the middle of a long day. Knitting has been the woolly equivalent of a relaxing child's pose in yoga. I'm there, I'm present in the moment and I'm happy. Recently, however, knitting has lost its "yoga-ness" for me. When I knit, it is for the shop. When I think of knitting, I'm trying to think of what I can knit that people (buyers) might like. I'm not enjoying the moment but rather thinking of how long it will take to complete the item in my hand. I rarely knit for myself or others anymore and when I do, I feel guilty. Guilty?! I have actually told my boys that I cannot knit something they have asked for at the moment because I don't have time. That's right. Someone whom I would give up everything for has asked for a hand knit item and I said no. Something had to change.
So I'm taking a step back from my shop. I'm not saying good-bye to it. I'm just taking a little break, going on a retreat of sorts.
The above yarn was a birthday gift from a good friend who insisted I knit something for myself. So last night, I started a pair of socks . . . for myself.